26 September 2020

elwinfortuna: Rainbow Fëanorian star, surrounded by text: "through sorrow to find joy." (Default)
So this requires a certain level of backstory...

All my life, I've missed and misheard words that people said, I've relied on trying to lipread and trying to guess what people were telling me, I've gone totally silent in group conversations because I can't keep up, I've been afraid of phone calls because I can't hear what people are saying clearly, I've struggled to parse words, and been embarrassed to ask people to repeat themselves for the third time, I've tried and tried to find out what was wrong with me and got very little in the way of answers.

And then there was the tinnitus, which has been driving me to the edge of rationality for the last several years. Imagine hearing a high-pitched noise once in real life, and then hearing it for hours and hours after that in your own head. Imagine a constant low hiss in your ears, or crackles and pops intermittently, or sometimes, a sort of splitting noise in your head, so loud it can wake you up, but it's entirely in your head.

I cried in an audiologist's office once, about ten years ago, when he told me my hearing was 'normal' if on the lower end of things, and there was nothing he could do for me. I've been so desperate all these years to try and get something that helped. And then about six weeks ago I got a call almost entirely out of the blue from the Audiology Department of my local NHS region, telling me they would like me to come in, take another hearing test, and be fitted for a hearing aid. (This was apparently the result of an appointment I had about 18 months ago, where an audiologist, for the first time ever, took me seriously.)

That appointment was yesterday. I now have a tiny little hearing aid on my right ear. It's practically invisible.

And I can hear. I can hear every word in a sentence! I don't have to guess at half of them! I can hear people speaking in another room! I can hear cars passing on the street outside, I can hear the low hum of the cooler at the other end of the room, I can hear the little noises my cat makes as she sits on the back of my chair.

I very nearly cried in an audiologist's office again yesterday, but this time from joy. What a difference, instantly apparent, unbelievably wonderful. It feels like my brain has so much less work to do. I'm learning how to relax during conversations rather than be always tense and focused. And almost the best part, this hearing aid is helping to fix my tinnitus (at least in the right ear). It'll take a while to settle in so that I get fully used to it, but it's already making a huge difference.

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